A good old fashioned cocaine cocktail…

What's In Kay's Mind?: A good old fashioned Cocaine cocktail…updated

Exogenous ingestion of melatonin and GABA – this makes sense as dreaming and the processing of the days information begins in REM sleep, so it seems melatonin acts like a re-uptake inhibitor, why I am now unable to sleep well again.  I am up to 8-10 mgs melatonin at night plus additional glutamine I take in the evening and during the day as well.   The darkness in my apartment during the day is causing a problem although I am compensating somewhat with my LCD computer screen set at Standard.   This leads one to think our brains must operate more in a manner of gathering information rather than processing it during the daylight ours which is clearly how our more primitive ancestors would have functioned.  This explains the keener insights I have been having during the day as my melatonin stores are being released due to my darker apartment.  The walls are antique white versus bright white, which I requested as the apartment faces the east and a significant number of trees so it gets little sunshine but lots of heat.

Is this why we have numerous cases of chronic fatigue syndrome?  Does melatonin work like a dissociative, as do many cough medicines and why we are so affected by the wake/sleep cycles of others to whom we are psychically connected.  This means that during the day we tend not to dissociate unless we have been traumatized by some event of which we are unable to deal, then we slow down and take to our beds for a few days.   At night when the sun begins to set [in the case of primitive people their sleep wake cycles are governed more by the rising and setting of the sun] or rather when we decide to lower the lights and start to relax we might start a process of dissociation, whereby we begin to project our daytime rational selves as melatonin is being released into our brains and our bodies become relaxed, catatonic like, and we fall to sleep.  This is the reason these chemicals administered exogenously fail over time to promote what they claim as they begin to increase the levels of stimulating chemicals like dopamine despite their other positive effects such as antioxidant activity.   The more you take the more you have to take.  And, I am guessing, since melatonin has a short half life in the body, about the length of REM sleep, you might awaken after it has been used up, and/or GABA (if levels are adequate) takes over that further increases muscular relaxation, and you then fall into delta sleep.  So at once they may act like cocaine but they probably work endogenously in the brain like an orchestra one complementing the other at different times.  Therefore one might be better off taking glutamine and tryptophan rather than melatonin and GABA. 

Taking it further, this means that with people we are connected to, one might have difficulty sleeping.   An example would be having a connection to someone who is a nurse or medical professional who works at night in the bright lights of a hospital.   This works fine if you are a day time person and sleep at night.   I have experienced this numerous times at my sister’s when visiting and we all are up during the daylight hours.   I rarely sleep when I am there, as one of them is always dissociating and I am the recipient of that dissociation.   My father experienced this as well despite his blindness although I would guess his melatonin levels depleted after a period of time which affected his ability to sleep at all and became the case.  Blind people probably have high levels of melatonin but I am also guessing these deplete unless they consume higher than normal amounts of tryptophan throughout the day.  I was also born at 14 minutes passed midnight so it may be possible my natural sleep cycle is such that I should be awake at night.

My experience with consuming tryptophan has been positive and negative.  Taken at night tryptophan will induce sleep but after several days of taking it one will become more alert as the sleepy phase wears off and the anti-depressant effects begin to work.   The same goes for daytime consumption, there is generally a mild phase of sleepiness followed by greater calm and alertness.   It might well be that tryptophan (serotonin) is also causing a degree of dissociation, splitting off the night time drowsiness we experience when we close our eyes and everything becomes dark, so serotonin might be the daytime regulator of melatonin.   I have taken it at night frequently and after several days I was simply unable to sleep.  I was more energetic and alert.  This might all work differently were it not for our psychic connections.   I have gone without tryptophan and this makes things work better for me although anorexia becomes an issue as serotonin regulates the hypothalamus which controls appetite, thirst, body temperature, etc.   I have also taken a combination of tryptophan, glutamine and vitamin C which was highly effective at helping me sleep.

One evening while viewing the National Geographic video on Sleep Walking, I was struck by the gentleman’s case in which he was charged with the brutal murder of his wife.  My first impression was that his neighbor was involved and might have unknowingly affected the man’s behavior.  I had been reading and learning about projection and projective identification during that time [who are you?].  As the story unfolded I learned he had difficulties on his job and may have experienced primitive negative thoughts about his boss he could easily have acted out on his wife in a state of sleepwalking.  Maybe he was simply having an affair and wanted to get out of his marriage, but why not get a divorce?   Why not just leave?   Divorcing or leaving are rational ways of dealing with a problem including leaving his job.  Fixing a pool pump in the middle of the night is irrational but on a Saturday afternoon would be quite rational.  

On thinking of this matter in the context of my own life, I recently discovered I might be connected to a woman who is from Chapel Hill.   In 1977, after an evening out at a night club, I had a little more to drink than usual and fell asleep on the sofa.  I had wet the sofa or bed in my youth and was admonished for it, so I developed repressed memories I expressed as anxiety about falling asleep and the fear of becoming too relaxed in order to keep from wetting the bed and I was a bed wetter until age 12.  As a result, that night after drinking too much, I must have had to go to the bathroom, of which I have no recollection, took a white ashtray off the coffee table, placed it on the floor and urinated in it.   I did it in this manner because during the late 60’s we had to use porcelain pots to go to the bathroom as we lived in a house with no bathroom for several months.   This resolved the mechanics of my actions but not the why of the event.  I recently learned my current neighbor who I knew nothing of at the time, during a time of racial unrest, had been stopped from using the public restroom in a local store and was asked to leave.  I was employed at Kmart at the time of the above event. 

She left the store, got drunk, returned and proceeded to urinate in front of the store.  This is as she related her experience to me.  She was subsequently arrested by the sheriff (William Blake, sheriff of Orange County, NC, possibly related to my grandmother Eunice Blake) and jailed for one night.  I had been jailed overnight in 1977 as well, so this means the drama in which I was involved, had been interrupted, not only was it interrupted, I was completely unconscious of the events occurring in my waking life which led to my behavior that night.  I fully believed I was acting of my own will, except for that night because I was intoxicated.  And since this discovery I have located Perly Street, in a small town in Massachusetts with the same last name as my neighbor.  I had been in Medford, Massachusetts briefly in 1975 after being discharged from the US Army and so the story goes on further into history, probably pre-Civil War.

I was also suffering from severe sleep deprivation and had been without sleep many months before joining the Army.  It grew into a serious problem since seeing The Exorcist, in 1974 which is what drove me to join the Army.  For 6 months I had less than 4 hours of sleep a night.   The less sleep I got the more angry I did become over not being allowed to sleep for one reason or another.  I felt I had no control over my inability to get adequate sleep and put myself in many risky situations, often unable to resist them.

A year or so ago I discovered a Sherlock Holmes film The Woman in Green, a dramatization of a murder involving members of a Mesmer Club where hypnosis was demonstrated to an audience. Sherlock Holmes’ sidekick Dr. Watson denied being able to be hypnotized but it was dramatized he could be in the film, performing various acts as instructed by the hypnotist.   After viewing this film I was certain it was possible to be hypnotized by the film and I wondered if I had I been the victim of my mother having viewed it.  After reflecting on my behavior since 1977, I recollected, upon returning to Tideland Mental Health in 1987, I began using self-hypnosis tapes and other tapes employing hypnosis as a means of altering one’s behavior.  Either me or my mother had internalized the characters in the Woman in Green and I eventually succumbed to hypnotizing myself.  Prior to this film I located another noir film, the title I cannot recall (I know I was instructed to forget it) dealing with a similar group of people in which a woman was being forced to take her own life by poisoning herself (I was not instructed to forget that part of the film).  I feel this film also affected my life as I have subjected myself to various drugs and the excess consumption of alcohol injuring myself.  I do not deny my personal familial experiences have had a part in that behavior.  I wonder if it caused my mother’s overdose of aspirin in the early 60’s. 

I concluded it was The Woman in Green, because I had purchased a green coat several years prior to discovering this film and green isn’t even my favorite color.  I later went back and purchased the same coat in black and gave the green one to my sister, who didn’t need a coat but took it anyway.  I then went to a different store and purchased a tan coat most resembling Holmes’ and one I owned in my youth, when I pretended to be a detective.  Was this the real reason I was in a state of hypnotic sleep, that night, but wide awake physically at other times, possibly acting out the thoughts of the person I was and might still be connected to in Massachusetts and/or in Chapel Hill, NC, I visited in 1972 meaning these thoughts were still quite active in the mind.